When you are young and you get married, you are thinking of a thousand reasons you want to be with a person. To laugh together, to make love, to feel alive, to maybe have a family, to have adventures with and to build a life with. There are butterflies and electricity. It’s young, romantic ideas, full of hope and full of promise. And it’s good.
As years go along, life happens. Your reasons for staying married change a bit. Jobs are won…and lost. Dreams fade away, and new ones are created. Children are born, houses bought and sold. The shiny newness of it all starts to wear off a bit. You see the less-than-perfect humanness of one another. And maybe you even begin to wonder and doubt. Is this what we said “I do” to? Your love gets scuffed up some, and turned on its head. It’s hard to remember back to those days of beginnings. You may even question, is it possible that this would be easier on my own?
But then BIG LIFE stuff happens. The stuff you hadn’t even realized you hadn’t ever really considered. True loss. The death of a parent, the sickness of a child, an accident that leaves one of you paralyzed. And it occurs to you in a way that you couldn’t have foreseen when you were younger, in a way that clears away the fog of doubt, THIS, this is why you married your spouse. There are certain things that are easier when you have a reliable, familiar, loving partner to share them with. Someone to hold you up when the weight of loss and life can come crushing down.
It’s not the romantic notions you had when you were younger. Those have long faded away; soft and somewhat superficial. Now it’s the steady, foundational, this-is-why-we-build-a-life together experiences. On the other side of those hard things, you rediscover your purpose for being together, and perhaps you even redefine it a bit. And it is even better than good.