I’ve been thinking about what I’d like my legacy to be, of how I’d like to be remembered. I want it to be that I made people feel loved. Whether they know me well or just crossed paths with me a few times, I want deeply for their thoughts of me to be that I loved well.
So, like an athlete trying to master her sport, I practice. I am in training to love better. It’s not always an easy thing, to choose to love. But I am trying. I pray that God gives me His eyes to see people. Because through those eyes, love is easy.
I still get it wrong, plenty of times. But I’m mindfully working on it. I’m trying to expand my own capacity, that I might truly make/hold even more love. Like hollowing myself out, scraping away at the negative stuff taking up space that love could fill. Replacing that negative thought with this good one. Stretching myself to dig deep and get rid of that doubt that has long ago taken root.
And it feels amazing. Because I think it’s working. I hear myself laughing louder, and smiling more often, and taking chances offering my words to people even when it’s not “safe.” ‘Cause here’s the thing- my job is simply to offer it up. Their job is figuring out whether or not to accept it.
Like a muscle that gets worked and toned, I want my heart to become my medal winning quality. When neighborhood kids show up at my house because they know a hug waits for them, or a girlfriend will wade through the crumbs to sit at my table and share a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or a stranger feels she can tell me of her ailing brother-in-law while we are waiting in a checkout line, those are moments when I feel like I am getting closer to being able to take the podium in the winner’s circle.
More than anything I’ve wanted in a long time, I want this. And I’m willing to work at it. Everyday. At home. In my car. At the grocery store. Online.
So I guess I should warn everyone. If you get too close, I may just make you part of my new exercise routine. Sorry (not sorry) if I get some on you. You might just need to back up.