A Purpose

I feel certain that I am discovering my purpose. When I was young, I wanted it to be grand and imagined it to be lived in a giant public extraordinary way. But in the mundane happenings of the checkout line, I heard a whisper that said my purpose was to love others and be kind, exactly where I was planted. My purpose didn’t have to be on a stage or in all caps to be important. It didn’t have to be fancy or award winning or even recognized by others. But for a long time I thought it did. Or perhaps I just wanted it to be.

I can remember pleading with God, begging Him to use me. Surely I was meant for something more than just an ordinary life. Surely my capabilities and talents should be put to better use than just the everyday duties of mother, wife, daughter, sister, neighbor and friend. On my knees, crying with desire to do His will, begging for Him to show me what He wanted. Months and years spent in ache wanting to be a tool for Him. So willing.

Or at least I thought I was willing. I was willing as long as it fit into my construct of what I thought He’d made me to achieve. So focused on the “out there, the next thing,” I couldn’t see that my purpose was right before me. It was in the ordinary moments of a quiet life. Surely that couldn’t be it- my desire was so deep and so great that surely what I was purposed for had to be equally great?! How could ordinary, simple and everyday be enough?

But it is more than enough. Because it’s what I was designed to do. I am clear that I love well. And that’s not said in pride; that’s me acknowledging the gift that God has given me. I am good at loving others. But that’s because of God’s faithfulness to me. For years I prayed that the light of God’s love would shine through me and that I would see  His light as it shines in others- even in the least likely of people. He answered that prayer.

For years I stood in the way of His will for my life. I kept tripping over my days and getting in my own way. I was so focused on what I thought I was going to see, that I wasted much time not seeing what I already had.

I’m grateful to have clarity about my job here on earth. And wherever in this life I end up, whether on a stage speaking to women about God’s love, or driving a minivan full of kids, or answering a phone at an elementary school, or writing my words down to share with others,  I am CERTAIN that I can do what I’m called to in each of those places. I’m fortunate enough to have the resource I need living inside me- a heart full of love!

You Won’t Stop Me

You there, the one with your negativity and hate mongering, the one trying to convince the world that fear will win. I just wanted to let you know that you won’t stop me. You won’t stop me from waking up today and feeling love, actively choosing to feel, give, and express love, to those that don’t look like me, think like me or talk like me. As hard as it may be, I will even choose to offer it to you.

Despite your best efforts, I will find more joy than fear in my day. I will see that we have far more in common than we have things that separate us. You, with your big loud voice and giant distractions, you won’t remove my focus from the small quiet whispers that make up most of this world. Your droning on won’t keep me from hearing the sweet song of praise. And better still, you won’t keep me from joining in the song.

Oh the beauty as our voices rise in appreciation.  The language of our souls all match, our hearts truly beat to the same rhythm.  You and your off beat amplified clapping do not change that.

I know that, just as you won’t stop me, my small positive actions in the world won’t keep you from continuing to broadcast your nastiness, and perhaps worse, may not even soften your rigid ideas. But I know something that makes me smile.

I sit here with this expression on my face because I have a knowing in my heart. I know that all it takes to see in a world full of darkness is just a small amount of light. Shining a tiny light upward in a canopy of darkness showers lots of light back down.  And light always reveals truth.

That light will draw other people- people that prefer the true beauty of light and truth over the loud density of darkness and lies. And they will gather. What once began as a tiny flicker will grow and spread and fan out and catch on, and soon you will be left with no one to hear your once loud cries of hate.

So, just know that while you dig deep into your trench of bitterness, I’ll be over here, building a bridge  over the chasm you are creating. Despite your best efforts, you won’t stop me.