Nobody Asked Me

Nobody asked me if I was ready for my eyesight to fade and my hair to gray. Nobody got my approval before gravity started to take its toll on parts of my body that used to be positioned a little higher. No one checked in to make sure it was okay for my oldest to sound more like a man than a boy and for my youngest to outgrow me (if not quite yet in height, for sure in attitude). Nobody got my go ahead for my husband and me to become middle aged.

And yet…

Here it all is. It’s as if this planet we live on has picked up the pace. Days that used to have 24 long hours, weeks that had seven slow days, months that had four long weeks, a dozen months that felt more like a baker’s dozen to get us to a year- I’m pretty sure all of those things are happening at an accelerated pace now. Nobody asked me if it was okay to change the speed of my life.

I don’t recall receiving a written inquiry as to whether or not I was comfortable with my parents becoming senior citizens.   Nobody asked if I felt adequately prepared to think about things like long term care and college payment plans and retirement.

I feel a little dizzy, really. The earth circling around the sun so quickly, spinning on its axis so fast my head is left swimming. I try to look up and catch my breath. Focus on a fixed spot in time, this moment, right now. Sometimes it works. And sometimes I’m left spinning, mouth open, lost in time, unable to take it all in.

Regardless, it’s become clear that nobody is going to ask for my permission, make sure I’m ready, check in or even pause for a second.  This life, it’s happening, with or without my approval and at a pace that I don’t control. Time is busy doing its thing. All I know to do is take a deep breath, say a prayer,  jump in and get to doing my thing right alongside it.  It’s that or get left behind.

 

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