Hiding Out

I’ve been hiding out.  Hiding out from this place because I wasn’t sure of what I wanted to say, or what you wanted to read,  or if I was truly ready to put it all out there. Because, let’s be honest, there’s a WHOLE LOT going on in here. Perhaps the world isn’t quite ready for it yet.

And I’ve been hiding out from people. Because in the climate we are in, people are spewing hate and anger and words they’d never say in person through cyberspace onto walls and to inboxes everywhere. I’ve been hiding because people want to assume that if you are in their life, and they like you, and you’ve broken bread together, and you are a good person, and you share a love of “x” or an interest in “y,” you must be just like them. But I’m not. And I’m not ready for your unkindness, so I’ve been hiding out.

I’ve been hiding out by letting myself sleep more than I should, read more than I should, eat more than I should, (fill in the blank a thousand different ways more than I should) because there is work to be done, and I don’t even know where to begin. I am overwhelmed by the magnitude and am unsure where or how to begin, so I’ve been hiding. I’ve been hiding because it’s unpleasant work, uncomfortable work, work that’s not within my strengths. So I hide by busying myself, often with things I’m good at and that are natural.

I’ve been hiding out by sitting in the quiet comfort of my car, because in here the world is small. It’s just me and there is no one to disappoint, no one to make demands, nothing screaming for my attention. Like a retreat on four wheels, I shut myself in for “one more song, one more hour, one more article.”  The solace is wonderful, and once the door opens, the world gets in.

And I’ve been hiding from the world. This place that is my temporary residence but not at all my home. I’be been tucking away into this quiet, warm place inside myself because, let’s face it, the climate is better in here.

So if it seems you haven’t been able to find me lately, it might well be true. Don’t worry, I’ll be back- just not today. 😊