A Gift

I know it’s an odd thing, and to some it probably seems bordering on disturbed, but I’ve decided that sharing someone’s last days on earth are a gift. The thought of walking someone home, sitting at their bedside and talking to them and praying over them and loving them well until their last breath, I love it.

Some of the most precious, most beautiful moments of my life have been spent in hospital and hospice rooms. Combing my Granny’s hair as I sang hymns of praise, crawling in mom’s hospital bed and letting her rest her frail body against my chest, reading scripture to my mother-in-law as she lie in a critical care unit- these are some of the greatest treasures of my life. When others feel uncomfortable and need to look away, I’ve been called to lean in.

The last ten days of my mom’s life, I wanted desperately to be at her bedside. With her unable to speak, paralyzed on the right side, even then, I felt the preciousness of the moments I was being offered. I didn’t know if it would be months or days, but I knew those shared breaths between us, they would write a story on my heart.

As others felt an anxiousness and discomfort in seeing Mommy that way, I could see the beauty in it. Her physical condition wasn’t good, but the condition of our hearts was lovely. I can’t quite explain it, the peace of sharing those moments.

People often say that God will equip the called. I’m beginning to think that He is calling me to end of life care- a place where hugs are needed, prayers are said and peace in facing the next steps make the journey of those going, and those left behind, seem a little easier.

For now, I’ll wait, cherishing the recent memories of my time with Mom. And maybe the Lord will decide that this gift He’s given, it’s only a gift to be used with those I know and love. Whatever it turns out to be, I am grateful for the moments I’ve been able to use it and the way it feels like a blessing to me.