My Imperfect Love

One of the greatest desires of my heart has long been that my husband, children, family and friends would come to know the Lord. Yes, I want to spend eternity with them, but that’s not why I want this so much for them.

See, despite my best efforts, I love them all so imperfectly. I may love them with all of my human heart, but it’s small in comparison. It’s a broken love. It’s tiny compared to the love of the Lord. It’s not enough for them.

I want for them to know that there is one that pursues them relentlessly. Because too often I’ve gotten angry and pulled back. God does not! He continues to come after his children.

In my impatience I have thrown up my hands, crossed my arms and said “I’m done!” But God doesn’t do that. Despite their actions (despite my actions), despite their attitudes, He still opens His arms to them. He has an embrace for them that is more complete, more perfect, more comforting than anything I could offer them. I want that for them.

I want them to know that completeness. Because I cannot offer it to them. I fall short a thousand ways. But I love them so much that I want them to know the best, to have the perfect love of Jesus.

I know, deep in my bones, all the way to my core, the mighty love of the Lord. I possess the perfect scars that prove He can heal. I have the laughter that serves to remind me He can restore. I know the goodness that only He can bring.

And I want it for those I love! I want it for those I don’t even know. Because in a world where what we are familiar with is imperfect love, there is one that gets it right! What a joy it is to stand in the knowledge of Him!

I Want To Do Something Meaningful

I find myself with a few minutes that are unassigned. As my kids get older, I am finding more and more of these. And it’s wonderful! It is very exciting!! I am grateful for them. I recognize that the days ahead will be filled with more of these, and I am both delighted and concerned.

I don’t want to waste them. I don’t want to spend them all achieving the next level of a game or watching the next season of some show. I don’t want to spend them all in a frivolous way. Sure, some of that is nice, but I don’t want that to be all there is.

I want to do something meaningful. I want to do work, whether paid or not, that improves the lives of others, that is a blessing. I want to do the work God has for me.

I’m realizing that means that I need to spend these minutes, the ones I have right now, leaning in to God to hear His voice. I need to both sit still in the quiet, waiting and creating space for answers, and also pursue answers- digging into the Word, praying with fervor, spending time with people that can wisely direct me. It’s not enough to just want it. I need to put effort toward it.

Somehow it feels like letting these minutes tick by mindlessly equates to being a bad steward and wasting my potential. And I want to be a good steward; I don’t want to leave potential unused. I want to use what I’ve been given wisely- giving back to the Lord that which is His.

So as I find myself with more and more unassigned time, may I use it pursuing the Lord. May I use it creating or serving or loving. May I spend it studying and seeking and praying with others. May I spend it mindful of what He wants from and for me. Because when I’m on assignment for Him, I can feel certain that I’m doing something meaningful.

And I want to do something meaningful.